you should not be encouraging them to do things that their abuser might use to escalate the violence, like keeping things around the house that could be used as weapons, hoarding money in secret locations around the space that they share with their abuser, etc.
Giving someone access to resources, non-judgmental support & understanding, a safe place to go = great. But fuck. It’s not your place to be like “hide money in your walls! Use household cleaners as weapons!” when you have no idea whether that will help or harm someone.
Abuse survivors get all kinds of unsolicited advice, even when they are still in abusive situations. It’s usually well-meaning, but not always appropriate. The point at which abusers often become the MOST violent and threatening is when they know their victim is planning on leaving and/or wising up to their abuse. Just… be careful, okay? Okay.
Similarly, don’t antagonize the abuser, either via direct confrontation or anonymously. If the abuser is harassing you, then certainly do what you need to do to protect yourself, but unnecessarily provoking them is only going to result in further harm to the victim. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone who is being abused is be as unobjectionable as possible; this will allow you to stay in contact with the victim and be in a position to help them when the time is right. Never make someone else’s abuse about yourself.
Y’know, as I look at the post that prompted this I think that not only is all the stuff above true, but that there’s something just….a combination of naive and self-centered about basically creating “harm reduction” tips for living in an abusive relationship. As if through a complicated system of internet protocol and things hidden in the walls, one could live safely with an abuser.
It’s so hard, I know, to walk that line of being supportive and unobjectionable and non-judgement and just being there for someone so you can support them when they are ready to leave, but there’s this disturbing enabling element at play when your “support” is basically both endangering your friend and enabling the kinds of destructive thoughts that the abuser is encouraging in them.